Fat bottomed bags you make the World Cup go round!
Auroraville, Saturday: In a shock decision that has divided supporters, Team Aurora has gone ahead with a proposed substitution in her Knitting World Cup project. Scarlett Cardigan has been dumped for the younger (and some say more attractive), Fat Bottomed Bag.
"The crochet was better for the sore shoulder of unknown origin that plagued the team in our leadup to finishing the first half of the cardigan," was the official statement, but the players in question tend to differ.
"I think that I was really just the right bag for the job," commented Fat Bottom, in a recent press conference. "Scarlett just isn't a team player, and let's face it, the only challenge that she poses is in her miles and miles of stocking stitch. I posed a challenge - not only did Aurora have to learn to crochet, she had to line me and sew in handles. She even put in a magnetic bag snap."
Sources from within say that this lining process was not without its own troubles for the unwary, with the lining first being pinned in the wrong way, and then the sewing machine needle breaking when asked to sew into a pin. Apparently, sewing is not a particular forte for the team, however sources say that Aurora is inordinately proud of her new bag.
Only the incomplete second half of Cardigan was talking today, and her frustration is clear. "I don't think it's all down to an injury. I think that the allure of a younger project inflamed the situation. And listen, people, this is the KNITTING world cup. The bag is CROCHET! Crochet, I tell you! It's simply not fair!"
Perhaps the last word belongs to Aurora herself, who released this as part of the official statement: "In light of the refereeing in the Football World Cup, I'm not sure that substituting knitting and crochet is such a bad option. Or at least, it's more fair than some of those calls in the matches. And I had fun making both, so where's the issue?" AAP